Ruddy Amber

Ruddy Amber

Amber Rudd, Work and Pensions Secretary (at time of writing), today announced a crack-down on the leaders of organisations which make a complete hash of rolling out Universal Credits. Describing the plight of millions of people left in poverty because of the unscrupulous actions and incompetence of these leaders, Miss Rudd warned: “we’re coming to get you.” She promised firm action and sentences of up to seven years in prison for those found guilty of such abject profligacy and betrayal of their workers.

In an earlier statement Miss Rudd castigated the wholly unwarranted, unjust and illegal persecution of immigrants from the Caribbean who came here in the 1950s to find work and proved to be the mainstay of the NHS and public transport, eventually acquiring richly deserved British citizenship. Describing the attempted forcible repatriation of this ‘Windrush’ generation as utterly crass, racist, insensitive and wicked, Miss Rudd called on those responsible to make redress or face criminal conviction and custodial sentences.

“We’re coming for you,” she said.

Miss Rudd is only the latest in a series of senior politicians to make an utter dog’s breakfast of manifesto pledges and then hare off after some suitable distraction filling the pages of the press and the media, viz Sir Philip Green. (Has he still got his knighthood? – Ed.)

Who can forget Theresa May’s remarkable public commitment on the steps of 10 Downing Street to dedicate her government to the trans-gender cause after doing all she could to sabotage the Brexit negotiations with which she was entrusted by the nation?

Meanwhile Home Secretary Sajid Javid is cracking down on knife crime by enabling the police to stop and search 12 year olds. Those found in possession of even a pen-knife will be immediately arrested and taken to court.

In a statement a short while later it was announced at their HQ that the Boy Scout and Cub movements were to be disbanded.

In a further statement the Home Office released figures showing that of those last year convicted of a knife crime involving stabbing or attempt to kill only 1 in 3 received a custodial sentence. As the Home Office were about to abolish prison sentences of less than six months this now meant that no-one convicted of serious knife crime would face a custodial sentence.

The statement also announced that deaths and injuries from knife crimes had reached a record high, a 50% increase on the previous year. The Home Secretary was not available for comment. He had resumed his family luxury safari holiday interrupted earlier this year by being recalled to Parliament to deal with illegal immigrants in numbers crossing the Channel with impunity.